Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
