I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize