Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
