"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
