note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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