If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
