I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
