I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize