the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
