she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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