ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
