I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
