Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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