i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
