I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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