she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
