He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
