he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
and you fell through a lawn chair
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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