He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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