Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
