People in love make me want to vomit
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
