dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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