Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
