Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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