I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
