Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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