Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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