some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
