loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
