Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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