Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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