I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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