Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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