i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
