only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
third nipple confirmed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
