If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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