we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize