also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
