not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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