Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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