I'm drive I can fine osifer
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
