No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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