TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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