She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize