So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
