omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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