He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
