Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
