3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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