? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
