fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
