Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
