He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
