I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
