I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
