Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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