New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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