Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
