she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize