fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
