i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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