C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
