I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
