pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize