never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
