She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
