If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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