Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
