we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
COCAINE IS GR8
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize