I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
