do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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