I love black thongs
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
