i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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