All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
