I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
