New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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