Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
false alarm, still single
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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