you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize